Introduction - Speaking aloud
2019 and another Valentines Day draws near - another year of love hearted boxes of chocolate, a carefully wrapped bouquet of a 'thousand and one' red roses soaking in a tub of water and a dozen different types of beautifully designed cards all waiting to be brought - to be received by a loved one (In the relationship sense of the word)
Every year for the past 7 years, I have witnessed the massive displays in the shop windows, and even seen countless amounts of men desperately running down the roads at the very last minute after work in the evening of valentines, trying to get to the supermarket for a huge bouquet of flowers for their girlfriends or wives and that is also not forgetting the large bottle of wine that is purchased! This whole display of desperation to buy something has always slightly amused me because there is no other day apart from Christmas that you see this sort of thing happening!
I can never quite grasp why all the love and affection is so heavily based upon ONE day... and on ONE moment....
Venturing outside - and seeing men running ever so quickly to the stores....has really made me think about the impact this one day has not just on the singles but also on the couples in general... The sheer strain of having to do something so urgently...almost as if forced by tradition rather than allowed to be a genuine gesture from the heart and over a period of time.
It is clearly without a doubt that Valentines Day has been embedded into our culture, it has been cleverly woven into our yearly celebrations and advertised in such a big market globally and all for companies to earn more money.
So - "Why do we as people take part in it?" "Why do we put ourselves in the position to feel that one is being slightly forced to show affection rather than offering it?" These questions haven't got one single answer!
Although, some people may disagree with the 'forced' aspect and truthfully say that this time of year genuinely draws people more closer, and helps those who feel unloved - feel loved. They may say it is a kind gesture, an offering of their love, at time where it may not have been so obvious that the love is still very much there. It may even enable those who may not always of had that chance previously to confess ones love for another, to allow a fair chance to show it to that special person while waiting in the wings for an answer, a reply. These points are so valid and I believe that they are important for what the day may mean to others.
For me personally, I have never really disagreed with Valentines Day - I used to love it, hope for it, even long so much for that one I love to show their love towards me - Many years ago I had that moment, a day when it all meant so much to me. Where I did receive the bouquet, and the beautifully designed card... and it was even presented with the box of chocolates I always wanted. But like they say...not everything you want is what you get and it may not always be what you need.
I sadly found that in the moment of that day, that I had mistakenly believed this man- the so called 'love of my life" - who had walk out the door to his house with flowers...gracefully smiling at me ever so ‘gracefully‘- BUT...indeed - all was not right and something stirred inside me! It just didn't feel right.
You see - I got the guy presenting me with flowers, and I may have received the things I once craved deep inside (The showing of love) but in reality of the situation....it just wasn't the actual thing I had really desired in my fragile heart - which was genuine LOVE from another. And just like that - and within that thought process, when I laid in bed and put my head on my pillow that night, all the gifts which I perceived as acts of love where just a smoke screen in my life... and.... then further down the line - it went on to be a very broken heart, time and time again from that one person for nearly 3 years ....and so it really wasn't all I wished it to be in the end.
Despite this fairy tale dream of a love shown by affection, comfort and kind acts....they just weren't as kind and affectionate as I once thought they were. Nor did they bring me true comfort in my life.
I sadly learnt this lesson with my only TWO Valentines Day's I have experienced with a man- and with two different partners in my younger years. Yes folks, I have only experienced two valentines days in my life with a partner. One partner was the father of my child and the other wasn’t. The whole two experiences I have had - really made me think that the ONE DAY scenario just wasn't enough, not when LOVE is concerned. It is something that is supposed to be an every day ritual, a work in progress - for love can only be determined over a period of time, and with someone who you truly care about and who truly cares about you.
Dealing with Valentines day as a singleton and as a MUM
Since becoming a mummy 10 years ago Valentines Day changed drastically. As my little girl grew bigger and went to nursery she started to make me valentines day cards just as she would make me Birthday, Easter, and Christmas Cards. I remember how it made me feel and what a lovely little gift it was for me, as a mother. It touched my heart so much that it actually changed my outlook on Valentines Day. It helped shift my perception from partner love to the genuine love in all areas of my life....the love most important to me and what was around me which was 'My daughter’s Love'. - and how much that meant to me, just to be loved by my little mini me.
It also made me think about the love I received from mum, sister, brother, nieces and even my close friends. It made me content in knowing that real love didn't have to come from the idea of this ideal man!
Since that moment my daughter made me Valentine's Day cards - I even took to treating myself on this day and by showing myself genuine love - through body shop little spa products, a nice Indian meal by candle light, a chick flick movie with popcorn, a trip to the cinema, or even a nice day out with the family. Literally anything that makes me feel good inside.
Now the MOST important thing about this for me on this 'ONE' day treat - is this.... I started doing these things on normal days too - NOT just on Valentines Day! And I believe that this idea of giving yourself something on normal days was the key to me feeling good inside and learning to love myself even when single.
It reminds you that YOU matter - so that it isn't just one day...it is once a WEEK, even EVERY DAY - Just one thing good that makes you feel warm and loved inside, and it is a working progress, and it is when you need it most.
Even those in relationships can give themselves some self love too or share lovely moments with another on normal Days too!
Below are my 'Top 5 products I use to feel good' & 'My top 5 movies that I have loved watching' (Now it was a hard choice as there are soo many movies but here goes... check them out below! and leave a comment at the end of this blog to let me know what you think!)
My TOP 5 PRODUCTS I USE TO FEEL GOOD
1) "Spa of the World™ Tahitian Tiaré Bath & Shower Oil-In-Gel"
Retailing for ONLY £7 this shower gel from 'The Body Shop' is by far the best smelling product in the Body Shop and it lasts a long time as you don't need that much on the sponge! It also feels amazing on the skin and leaves a beautiful fragrance on the skin after the bath/shower. Whenever I really want a little bit of pampering or relaxation I got to this shower/bath gel.
2) Brightening Cleansing Foam
Retailing at £12.00 - This amazing Foam Wash by 'The Body Shop' is another amazing product I go to when I just need a little ME time at bath time. And best of all it does exactly what it says on the package! It brightens up the face gives it a fresh dewy look with makeup or without, and it does this instantly after use. Not forgetting you use literally a PEA drop on your fingertips and rub it into your hands and there is enough to do the whole face and neck. This epic natural product right here lasts over a two months even when used daily! So complete bargain for the price!
3) Green Tea Fragranced Bath Bomb
Retailing at just £1.50 this Bath Bomb by "The Body Shop" is just what you need in times where just want to relax at bath time with no other distractions after a long day! And again it is a bargain what more could you want? I first used this product for my Mother's Day Prezzie last year and I must say it was everything I had hoped for. Such a lovely little treat even for A Valentines Day to YOURSELF! There are other scents but this one is my favourite!
4) Bowhanti Eau De Parfum
Retailing at £20 from once again "The Body Shop" this product is just pure BLISS it smells sooo good and has frankincense and myrrh vibe to it with a spiciness about it. I cannot tell you how much this perfume means to me. I first used it last July 2018 for an event I attended and since then I have not liked any other perfume scent as much! And this stuff even though isn't a huge bottle it lasts around two months maybe even 3 months as it is doesn't wear off after a long day! Perfect treat for YOURSELF! And a bargain considering it lasts so long!
5) Scented Candle 20cl - Party - Fireside Embers
Now this right here from "Amazon" retails at £12.00 and it is soo amazing! I can't get enough of this scent of 'Fireside Embers' it takes me back to camping days with the bonfire lit, it relaxes the mind and makes one feel content. It has this oldie feeling about it like something right out from the 18th century archives - giving a little taste of a fire lit in those times with all the spices in the kitchen. Geeky as it sounds, this gift is perfect for such a time when you just want to relax on your bed writing or watching a movie. It certainly is another little treasure not to be missed!
My TOP 5 MOVIES TO WATCH
1) Austenland
If there was ever a cute romantic movie it would definitely be this one right here! And Especially on Valentine's Day when all seems low and boring! This is guaranteed to have you in fits of laughter! Well.... if you like romantic movies, chick flicks, and good ol Jane Austin - this story is for you! :)... I KINDA LOVE JANE AUSTEN- It is set in modern day and plays on singletons such as the main character Jane who at 30 yrs old embarks on journey into a 'reconstructed' Regency world with her fantasy idea of a perfect man whirling around her head, she spends a few weeks living life as a Regency girl and all sorts of unexpected things happen. And that's ALL I will say on the movie! WATCH and LOVE you wont regret it!
2) The Bad MOMS 1 & 2
These two movies are JUST AMAZING! If your a mum like myself you will LOVE these two movie as they are funny and romantic and relate-able in some way! The first movie is the struggle of parenthood and daily life like work and kids school, it is also about single parenthood vs married life. It really does touch my heart and the writing is beautiful. The second movie is about Christmas and the parents coming over.... it is about motherhood from every angle from parents to grandparents...it is about the struggle with family and wanting a peaceful quiet Christmas.
There are morals to the story too - a message at the end which everyone can relate too with their own mother... which in the movie are 3 mothers and 3 grandparents.... and it is all about being a parent and being parented. It is also soo funny and has lil moments of romantic things... I watched this movie in the cinema at Christmas time when it first came out - I sat there eating Maltesers in a cinema that was empty apart from myself.... and I loved it! I even cried at the end as it was emotional.... a must see two movies that you will never regret watching even if your not a mum! Or a parent!
.... and here are another few movies I recommend!
3) Pride + Prejudice + Zombies
Some much needed girl power - Jane Austen Vs Zombies! Such a good period action movie set in Regency England! This once shouldn't be missed! Another Mr Darcy Vs Mrs Bennett and her sisters who have martial arts skills to take on the un-dead!
4) Mary Shelley - The Woman who created Frankenstein
What an incredible movie on the life of Mary Shelley, so beautifully told, and gives insight into this amazing female writer of the Regency times / Victorian times. I loved this movie and it is currently showing on Nexflix! Perfect for a little time solo to just relax - it even is inspiring!
5) Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them
I cannot deny that this movie is one of the best ever! Newt plays a huge part of that success! although all characters are well thought out! Starting from before Harry Potter this movie gives insight into the life of a solo wizard who is researching different magical animals! If there was a magical movie this is one that will keep you at the edge of your seat and is just as good if not better than Harry potter! Watch and See!
So if it is choosing your fav product or watching a movie - Valentines Day isn't just for the partners out there.... the couples... In this blog I have spoken of a small snippet of my life however brief but from that- I hope I have given you a few things that may help you if your single on this Valentines Day 2019! It might not be much but it may give you ideas of what you can do tomorrow or EVEN ANY DAY you just want to do something for yourself!
JessXO