"She is a wild, tangled forest with temples and treasures concealed within - John mark green.
Celibacy, now there is a word that is not often spoken about, not often written about, why? well...in my opinion, and one thought is that society has been conditoned to date. To have a significant other. If you are single, then the question has often been, 'why are you single?'
The awkward moment when asked 'Are you going to date again?'
This blog post came about after a Magazine article I wrote in 2019 with 'Mama wins magazine', in which I spoke briefly about my celibacy. When I say briefly...I mean BRIEFLY! After writing the article, I felt that I had only just skimmed the surface of this subject. I blame the word count limit lol... only joking! No, in all honesty, it was something I truly held close to my heart for many years.
Yes ladies and gentleman, this year I have been Celibate for 8 years (as mentioned in various blogs and magazine articles). When I mention the amount of time I have been single and celibate, people are really shocked! They are intrigued, they want to know more.
This summer just gone, a few of my friends gave me an actual month, a deadline in August to 'finally' go on my first date. I sat on the grass in the park with them and agreed to start my search for this gentleman. But I decided not to, I mean dating sites have never been my thing! Swiping left and right, not to mention a lot of the men on there are not really that interested in the women on there. They don't want to actually generally get to know the person. Nope, they are more times than not, after something quite basic and meaningless. And that is not for me. A drink, a meal, and then casual fun...sorry but no. I would rather remain celibate for the rest of my life is this the best out there right now lol
And so the single journey continues :) - if you would like to know more about my celibacy or how I found my 'Inner goddess' - my 'Divine feminine' within...then readers, do read on <3
~ BECOMING CELIBATE ~
I was 24 years old when I became fully committed to being Celibate, I had just come out of a not so good relationship that lasted a year. He wasn't the father of my child, he was my next partner after him. Before the last partner I was with, I had been celibate for a year. But then, I decided to open my heart to love again. I felt ready to take that leap of faith. But it didn't quite work out. So, once again, I was single.
Celibacy was to me, my sacred vow to myself. To honour myself and focus on self love and growth. What I did not plan intentionally was to remain celibate for such a long time. But I do not regret a single one of these years that have gone by.
Celibacy is to me, a very spiritual act, a devotion to ones self. An act of self love. I found looking within helped me understand what these past lessons in previous bad relationships were actually teaching me. Especially in regards to choosing partners who were not as comitted as I wanted them to be. So through heartbreak, Celibacy has been my healing journey, my spiritual awakening, reconnecting with who I truly was as a woman. And in finding my true authentic self.
~ A little on My writing Journey ~
'BenefitzMum' - A Solo performance - written & directed by Jessica Phillips
© 2016 Jessica Phillips
© 2016 Jessica Phillips
"Celibacy opened up my Sacral Chakra and allowed me to access my creativity, it allowed me to express myself in ways I never have before"
I started my playwriting journey back in 2016 with writing and performing my first ever 'solo performance' in university for my BA HONS Theatre and drama studies degree. It was the most fun, exciting but also scary and nerve racking time of my life! I had staged and performed a short play based on my own life experinces of 'Single motherhood'. And let me tell you, it felt so empowering but also made me feel so vunerable. This was due to performing pieces taken from my own life, even if it was mixed with fiction and exaggerated. It was still me, as a writer there is always a piece or two in your work that is you. Whether a writer likes to admit it or not, in all works there they will find themselves, in one form or another.
Each year from 2012 - 2015, I barely got my ideas across to my group in my course. Everyone wanted their own ideas to be performed and was not willing to listen to my own. BUT then 2016 came and I was to do my own independant research project!
Aaaand then BOOM...
I felt free as a butterfly on a gentle breeze. exploring my own ideas for my performance! And Gosh, did it feel sooo good!! No limitations, no friction and no clashes - just me, myself and my stage - ALL TO MYSELF!
Fast forward 2018, I luckily stumbled across and attended the National theatre Playwriting programme for 10 weeks in the May - June (2018) This was such an amazing experince. I got to meet a lovely group of creatives and found my creative voice again. I got to experiment with my creativity and most importantly, I felt free to look at the stories I always wanted to tell.
Just a year later, in May (2019) another massive beautiful change came and it would be something I didn't see coming. And BOY....did it make me feel vulnerable...metaphorically naked! Huge Emphasis on Metaphorically here!! I talk about this in my older blog called 'Change is inevitable & New Beginnings on the Horizon' I wrote back in July 2019. Please check that blog out on this website :)
But in the short version, I got accepted on a postgraduate degree to one of the amazing universities in London, "The Royal Central School of Speech and Drama." I was doing an MA in Writing for Stage and Broadcast Media. Yup...and I actually passed the audition on the first time! I am now in my final year now and am working on some amazing projects I wish to take forward.
The dream I thought I had lost many years ago as a teenager had been given back to me. I had many ideas over the years for play, TV series, and films, but I needed more support in bringing those ideas to life. In knowing more about story telling and how to deliver a good story - 'The hero's journey'
~ My spirituality: My Journey ~
@SpiritualWellbeingShop Crystals: Moon stone (Change, protection, balancing emotions, divine feminine energy) & Pink mangano calcite (Letting go of what no longer serves you, brings in love and an energy of wholeness and completness), a HoneySuckle candle to welcome in happiness.
Last year in June 2019, I came across this amazing shop in Holloway, Islington called 'The spiritual wellbeing shop'. And my god was it the best place ever to stumble across! I had passed this shop many times on the bus and didn't even know it existed! I entered the shop, and brought an incense stick, a candle, and two crystals. All to do with self love, healing, change and happiness. A lot did change for me last year, I think it is safe to say that 2019 surely didn't give me an easy ride.
I lost my grandad to Alzheimer's disease at the beginning of the year, then a few other obstacles came with it.
In June last year, I felt this deep sense of healing that I needed to do and along with this healing came a bigger change. BUT this time the change was to be on a much deeper level. After the first visit to the spiritual wellbeing shop, I decided to go at least once a month. Getting more incense sticks and crystals to work with. It really lifted my spirits and made me feel content and relaxed. It is a lovely shop after all. Crystals are so beautiful as they help your tap into your higher self, you at the very core of your being.
The best thing to do when thinking about buying crystals, well at least for me, is to let the crystal choose you. That is to say, that you should try to go up to the shelve in the shop, or online scrolling, and see what crystal calls to you. When in the crystal shop, I also like to hold a particular crystal I am drawn to in my hand. I always know immediately if that crystal is for me, as it will give off this energy, this warm feeling. Then I know that one is for me.
~ Finding Your inner Goddess ~
When Covid-19 Lockdown began in March here in the UK, I found there was quite a bit of anxiety and uncertainty. No one knew what this would mean for life as we once knew it! The very thought of going shopping was a task and a half! For all we knew, it could have caused us to contract Covid from just having one second of contact with another person.
During these months that have passed, I was writing for future projects, but at times, I found that I had a bad case of writers block. It was not the easiest of times to write in. I also noticed that a lot of things came to the surface. Since last year, when I began this journey of deeper healing, I realised that it required a good amount of effort and consistency to clear out the old; in order to make way for the new.
This meant taking a good look at all the things that showed up at that particular time. It meant really seeing all the past hurts, the things deep down hidden away.....with a generious amount of compassion and understanding! And above all, from a gentle place of love.
Finding a sense of deeper spirtiuality has brought me peace and contentment, and has got me back in touch with the present moment. It has allowed me to ask myself what it is that I truly want. It has also created a space for me to focus on what goals I wanted to achieve.
I started to let go of the old patterns and beliefs that just didn't serve me anymore. I have now, more than ever, begun to be in touch with my Divine feminine within, my power, my own strength. Below are two beautiful candles that I stumbled across via an amazing instagram account called 'HoneyMoon Apothecary.'
You really should check them out! They have so many good products that smell soo beautiful!!
~ Frejya Goddess candle with Rose Quartz Crystal - for Love & Beauty ~
Ichor collection by @HoneyMoonApothecary
This beautiful Frejya Goddess candle from the 'Honeymoon Apothecary' smells soo good - with it's signature smell of 'Almond Milk & Honey!!' This candle, allows the divine feminine to tap into her inner goddess, by setting the intention of 'self love' and acceptance of our beautiful bodies. Frejya the goddess Love, Fertility, Sex, Strength, and of Gold. This candle helped me connect to my own femininity and see how beautiful, special and unique I truly am. That me, just being me was ENOUGH. Both on the inside and out. I didn't need to change myself to be and feel beautiful, I was the treasure, the diamond, a rare find on a sandy beach - washed up by the waves. It reminded me to stand in my power, grounding me in the knowing... that I am proud of who I am and how far I have come on this journey called life.
I watched this beautiful candle burning on a full moon and saw the amazing glitter wax dripping down. You cannot help but see your own beauty in this goddess candle.
Here is a Freyja Poem by Honeymoon Apothecary
'For the one of Earth'
"Ichor flows through you like pink Moonshine. It's essence that thrums through you like a drum beat, like the wind rustling through leaves and the roots moving further into the ground. Did they tell you that you were too wild? Too Stubborn? Untameable and too changeable? You are the scent of earth after it rains and the thunderstorms that cause it. You are love and war, a walking contradiction. Tangled vines and temples lay within you, quests that only the most daring can undertake. When you love it's fields of sunflowers and the quench of morning dew. It's thunderclaps and the sweet solace of shelter.
You are the warrior. The wise woman of a fable. You are the spells and lavender tea. Incense and food. Wolf cries and moonlight. With freedom of your soul, belonging to no one but the Earth."
~ Yemaya the Goddess of the ocean ~
Ichor collection by @HoneyMoonApothecary - with a pink Himalaayn salt tea light candle
This beautiful Yemaya goddess candle from the 'Honeymoon Apothecary' is soo good to tap again to your inner goddess. Your divine feminity. Being mixed race, this candle was so beautiful for me, to get in touch with my ethnicity. I love that the Honeymoon apothecary take in to consideration all ethnicities with their divine feminine goddess candles. Yemaya is soo good when thinking about freedom to express, she is about home, fertility, love and family. She is ever changing and is the consistency of life. She is very protective and loving, the mother of the ocean. She is strength. Smelling of Frangipani flower, this goddess is just beautiful.
Here is a Yemaya poem by Honeymoon Apothecary
'For the one of Water'
"Ichor flows through you like burnished bronze. It's the essence that washes over you in waves, cleansing, strengthening. You are the whisper of the sea as she kisses her shore, longing and romantic. A heart of unfathomable depths. Did they tell you that you were too soft Too sensitive? The things you have been taught are weak...is water weak? For it can mould and bend and nurture, yet in an instance can bring storms and reckoning, can drown as well as save.
You are empathy and salty skin, sun bouncing off golden hour waves. You are the first rain in drought, the saviour that the lost pray for. What makes you soft is what makes you strong, and don't ever forget it"
Online Sound bath - alchemy crystal sound bowL healing - With Remind studio & the Life Centre (London UK)
Photo by Remind studio
Through lockdown up to now, I have taken part in Zoom live videos with the 'Remind Studio' and the 'Life centre' in London UK. I have had the most beautiful 1 hour long sound baths for 'rest & digest'. YES - One hour! I can't tell you how amazing it felt during and after. My whole body was buzzing after each session!! In week after week, I realised that I found a beautiful community of like minded spiritual people like myself, who I connected with ever so nicely. All of whom are also on their own healing journey.
I also tried 'Sekhem Reiki' with remind studio and also reiki for just the clearing of the chakras. Laying down cosy on my bed with my ear phones in, my candles and essential oils burning, I became still, present, in the now. It has been the best experience ever, and has changed me so much. It has allowed me to explore what it is I needed right now, in this moment, or period in time. The practices allowed me to tap into what my body and mind needed, it connected me back to myself, my heart space.
~ Self love: My beautiful Salt baths ~
Etsy - Rose petals & Lavender - Essential Oil & Himilayan Epsom Bath salts
I also stumbled across ...drum roll....dum dum dum....' Salt Baths' - for self love and rejunvination. My oh my.... how beautiful and amazing they are! It's the act of giving back to yourself, giving your body & mind what it needs. Treating yourself with some much needed ME time! As a single mother, I need my 'Mummy time' and in the evening this is JUST SO perfect.
One important thing to remember is this, you teach people how to treat YOU.
To be honest, if you don't take care of your needs, your much needed you time, then you cannot attract the right people or opportunities into your life. Nor can you focus and pay your full attention on the things that truly matter now. It all starts with the self - YES...you dear readers - if you want more love in your life, then you got to be more loving to yourself and to others. If you want more opportunities in your career, you need to be open to them. And to do that, you need to heal from the set backs, the lack, and also from the blockages in your body and mind. Declutter your house, your space, and meditate for at least 5-10 minutes a day!
Salt baths really are soo good to focus on your body, you sacred energy, your temple, the beauty that is you! No matter your size, or your perceived imperfections or flaws! Truly look at all of you with the eyes of love. For you are unique, a divine being. Worthy of love and tender care.
If you are single like me and you sit there and want some love and care - well...my advice is to give it to yourself first. Nobody knows what you want more than you! Put some beautiful exotic meditation or any other sexy music on and get that incense going! Lay back in the bubbles and rose petals and just relax! Breathe - Let it all that doesn't serve you, wash away!
AND MEN, if you are reading this, you too can do a salt bath, mediation, sound bowl healing or any other practice out there. To tap into your God like energy, YOUR DIVINE MASCULINE. (I will most definitely write a blog for males too, so stay tuned)
"Honour the path you are guided to walk, not the path others expect you to walk. Remember this is your journey" - Tracey Smith
Bracelet - Citrine crystals @SpiritualWellbeingShop
In all these 8 years of celibacy, I have grown so much as a person, I have learnt so much, of course I have made mistakes, a few wrong turnings - but it has all been a learning curve! After all, I am human. And its Ok.
Nature for me, has been another way to reconnect, to be in touch with the earth, the grass, the trees. The breeze outside. In Nature, I can truly ground myself, in the here and now. Instead of thinking about things or obstacles too far in the future! I am telling you, it can be so easy to ponder future career goals and potential successes, not to mention any future potential romantic relationships. That is not to say there wont be a future love in my life, or that I won't achieve my dreams in my writing career. But sometimes...you just got to pause. To sit in nature, to get in touch with Mother Earth, after all our ancestors way back when, lived outside in the wilderness, they were immersed in the nature all around them.
Just a nice walk in the park, or countryside, or by the sea or rivers, will be enough to make you feel calm and content again. Feeling the breeze on your face, the grass in-between your fingers, or the sea on your feet. One other thing I would like to add to the spiritual list, is GARDENING! Yes you read that right, gardening is a beautiful and relaxing thing to ease any tension or stress. Planting flowers, or plants, or herbs are amazing. In fact the act of even watering them is amazing, and so satisfying! Seeing your flowers grow ever so nicely is the real magic!
If ever a quote that filled my heart with warmth and love this is it - from Pocahontas (One of my fav films) - Grandmother willow reminds me of my Great-nanny.
